Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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