I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize