I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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