you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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