I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
