so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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