we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
