I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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