I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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