i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
