listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
