Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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