I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
