i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
