no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
