You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
