I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
how does that bad decision feel?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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