they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
