You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
