He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
