Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
