I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
