That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
