A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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