He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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