Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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