I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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