so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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