i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
