I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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