Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize