Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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