I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
