Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
