Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
