My Higher Power is John Stamos
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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