I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
