I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
