nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
