Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
