i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
