just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
