I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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