I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
