K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
