Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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