how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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