Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You made out with two different species that night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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