and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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