i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
