Betty ford says i'm here all night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
