remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
