these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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