So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
