please come you make the beer taste better
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
