You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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