I love black thongs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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