But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
