can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
