dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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