everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
