I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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