whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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