FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
