im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
