went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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