I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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