Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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