my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize