...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
