i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're like the curious george of whores
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
