Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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