At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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