this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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