every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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